my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
