i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
