she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's always time for handjobs
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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