been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Green mimosas i think yes
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
