It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
