I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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