3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
