Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
