Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
