You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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