Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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