I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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