you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
