So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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