He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
