That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
