he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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