i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize