I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
