My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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