So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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