I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
