I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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