I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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