Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
