if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
