I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We had sex on a dog bed..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
