I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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