dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
