i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
