Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
