First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
