We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
