upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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