well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
