My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
