Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
