the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
