we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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