Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
