Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
