My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
