who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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