i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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