You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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