I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
