o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
