just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
