he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
