If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
