Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
