Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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