Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
