So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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